Tuesday, April 26, 2022

New stories


Looking for something to read? Well, as luck would have it, I have three new stories out in the world...

“The Trunk” appears in Blackberry Blood: A Dark Selection of Poetry and Fiction, edited by Aiden Merchant and Julia Lewis, published by Snow-Capped Press. It's available in paperback and ebook.

“Greetings from Trammel Beach” appears in Beach Bodies: A Beach Vacation Horror Anthology, edited by Ben Long and Andrew Robert, published by DarkLit Press. It's available in paperback, hardcover, and ebook.

“SlashGrindTerrorMachine” appears in the Spring/Summer 2022 issue of Pyre Magazine, edited by Ryan Thomas LaBee. This one's available to read online for free.

Hope you check these out and enjoy!

Saturday, January 08, 2022

Crazytimes Limited Edition Hardcover


Good news for book collectors - My novella Crazytimes has received the limited edition hardcover treatment from Thunderstorm Books. I was thrilled to not only provide the words, but also create the cover art and lay out the interior as well.

Part of their Black Voltage Private Reserve line, this version of the book is limited to just 36 copies, all signed and numbered, most of which have already gone out to subscribers. 

If you’re interested in one of the last few available copies, they can be purchased directly from Thunderstorm Books right here.

Synopsis:

You wake up Monday morning and everyone is crazy. Everyone was already crazy, though, right? But somehow things are worse today. People are angry, throwing chairs out of office windows, eating rocks, violently scratching their necks, and running naked through the streets. They’re killing each other for no reason and laughing through the carnage. The whole city is like this. And meteors are falling from the hazy skies above. How are you going to survive? Do you even want to? This isn’t just another manic Monday. This is Crazytimes.

Thursday, November 26, 2020

New Shop!


In between other design jobs, I decided to put together a Threadless Artist Shop. I’ve got some horror & pop culture designs available now, with more in the works.

T-shirts, socks, face masks, leggings, pillows, buttons, art prints, beach towels, phone cases, and more. Tons of colors! Tons of options!

And there’s currently a promotion featuring $12 shirts & up to 20% off everything else. Time to get some gifts!

You can check out the current selections at 13visions.threadless.com 

Friday, November 13, 2020

Casual Friday the 13th



To: Jay
From: Ralph
Subject: FGCS Office Standards
Date: Friday, November 13, 2020, 1:57 PM

-------------

Jay,

It’s come to my attention that there have been some recent issues pertaining to our company’s dress code that need to be addressed. I understand that over the last several months your direct supervisor as well as her supervisor have been unable to get through to you regarding these matters, and seeing as how they’re no longer with us, things have made their way through the woods to me, so to speak.

I believe our policies here at Forest Green Camping Supplies, Inc. are crystal clear, but perhaps there is some confusion, so allow me to clarify a few things. Mondays through Thursdays, “business casual” attire (collared shirts, khakis or dress pants, etc.) is required. On Fridays, however, the dress code is somewhat relaxed, allowing for jeans, as well as shirts to be untucked (though not unkempt - there is a difference).

Our definition of “jeans”, however, does not include those denim overalls you sometimes wear, Jay. I understand Christy spoke to you about this some time ago, prior to her disappearance, but allow me to reiterate the point here. And when we say jeans, we mean no holes, no grass or mud stains, and so on. To be blunt, Jay, they really must be washed. Several of your Team Members have complained about dark stains, and the odors of sweat and iron on your clothing. So I’m afraid I really must insist that you do your laundry more frequently. If there’s a financial burden involved, please drop by my office and we can discuss.

The issue of face masks has come up as well. Now, I want to express my most sincere understanding with regard to our current situation. These are trying times, to say the least, and none of us know for sure how long we’ll all be affected by the current pandemic and the ways in which our lives have been altered. So while face masks are a mandatory part of our current workplace attire, I feel I must specify that ‘80s-style hockey goaltender masks are not appropriate for our office environment - not even on Fridays - and that’s not to mention the fact that they don’t offer the same level of protection against airborne pathogens as tightly-woven cotton masks do. I understand Christy’s supervisor Steve attempted to bring this up with you as well, prior to his unexpected retirement last month, but I really must insist that you leave the sports equipment at home.

Likewise, over-the-head burlap sacks are also unacceptable. From what I’ve been told, I understand you have a history of body dysmorphia issues, and I empathize with that, but I believe we are able to emote quite a bit from the eyes up, so I would ask that the top half of your head not be obscured for the sake of your colleagues and any suppliers you might need to liaise with.

By the way, if you’re interested in discussing your feelings with regard to your appearance with someone, I would highly recommend Dr. Ginny, our in-house counselor. If you’d like to make an appointment to see her, you can do so in the online portal.

In the meantime, please wear a face mask that covers only your nose and mouth like everybody else. As I’m sure you know, we do offer face masks with the FGCS logo at cost to all employees, but again, if the pricing is a hindrance for you, please see me, and I’ll look into what can be done.

And speaking of Dr. Ginny, I’m told several Team Members have met with her recently to discuss not only your lack of verbal communication, but also your habit of keeping a machete at your side while moving around the office (I know you’re going to ask who, but please don’t). This too seems highly inappropriate, and I’m going to have to ask that you, at the very least, leave any bladed or pointed weapons you’ve brought to work inside your cubicle at all times. Such things can be construed as intimidating by others, not to mention dangerous. Let me remind you that we recently restarted our X Days Without An Accident signage, and I’d like to see that number at least hit double digits before having to start it over again.

Jay, I appreciate your understanding and compliance in all of this. I believe that when we all work together as a team, we can create a better and more efficient workplace. It’s all about synergy, really. I hope we can all be “happy campers” here, if you’ll pardon the pun.

I trust that by next Friday you’ll be able to start adhering to company guidelines, but if there are any concerns you don’t think can be resolved by then, feel free to come talk to me. I’m pretty easy to track down most days after lunch.

Have a great weekend.

Sincerely,

C. Ralph Cunningham
CEO
Forest Green Camping Supplies, Inc.

Thursday, April 16, 2020

Thunderstorm! Decibel! Crazytimes!

Hi. How are things? I sincerely hope you’re all staying safe and healthy and sane. It’s a strange moment in time, to say the least.

I wanted to drop in here with some little updates, since - despite the somewhat apocalyptic feel of things out there - a number of interesting developments have happened in the last several weeks.

First of all, my book Triple Axe recently received the limited edition hardcover treatment from Thunderstorm Books. This is the first time one of my books has gotten a hardcover edition, and I couldn’t be happier with the result. The jacket art is by Erik Wilson, whose art I’ve admired for years. Sadly, this edition is sold out. Being part of Thunderstorm’s Black Voltage Private Reserve series, most of the 36 copies (talk about limited edition!) went out to series subscribers, and any leftover copies disappeared pretty much immediately. If you got one of these, consider yourself pretty lucky!

Next, I was asked to put together an extreme music playlist for the mighty Decibel magazine, for their regular feature, Tales From the Metalnomicon. I jumped at the chance, and in the process, realized my list was taking shape in '90s-centric form. So I leaned into that, and assembled a group of 9 songs from the '90s, including stuff from Carcass, Godflesh, Morbid Angel, and Skinny Puppy, among others, while Shawn Macomber from Decibel had some incredibly nice things to say about my fiction. You can check out the entire article and listen to the music here.

And finally, this past weekend, my next book, Crazytimes, was announced. Here’s the synopsis:

You wake up Monday morning and everyone is crazy. Everyone was already crazy, though, right? But somehow things are worse today. People are angry, throwing chairs out of office windows, eating rocks, violently scratching their necks, and running naked through the streets. They’re killing each other for no reason and laughing through the carnage. The whole city is like this. And meteors are falling from the hazy skies above. How are you going to survive? Do you even want to? This isn’t just another manic Monday. This is Crazytimes.

If that sounds like your kind of thing, the ebook is up for preorder now, and will be unleashed upon this crazy world through Grindhouse Press, alongside the paperback, on May 19. I’m excited for people to read it, and I hope you’ll consider picking up a copy.